i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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