I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
