I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
