also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
