Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
