Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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