Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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