i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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