you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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