guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
