I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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