U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
