Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
not ubering you a puppy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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