it wasn't lemon gatorade
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
