there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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