the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
