his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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