In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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