I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I looked at my own cervix.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
