If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
