'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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