Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found puke in my bra..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
