I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
