She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
