i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
