Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
