I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
