went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
