i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
