Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
