At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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