So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
