My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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