So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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