just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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