I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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