I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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