So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
