Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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