im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
