Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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