If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
