haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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