Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
