I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
