Plan B is the new Plan A
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
