I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
