I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
