You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
