Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
