Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
