last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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