Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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